6 Reasons Why You Aren’t Really Independent

Seasons of struggle

One time, I was talking with my friend and she said, ‘You are so independent than me. You have done many things by your own. I just look independent. But I don’t. I rely so much to my parents, my family. That’s what makes me stressed up. I feel useless sometimes. I feel that I need to run away from everyone I know. I want to try live on my own. Soon.

I know, your belief in Allah much be so strong. Compared to me…’

I felt this sadness in my heart. I am grateful if I have inspired people to be independent too. But I am not independent. I am in such dependence, begging to Allah for help.

Oh, I begged..

So I said, ‘You know, sometimes I become so ego. There are time I get lost in being independent that made me egoistic. Do you know what it feels like when that happens? You become impatient with people not competent enough, weak or just plain burden others. People take you for granted. People expect so much out of your independence.

It is challenging from where I am standing too.’

An independent mind is a dangerous mind. Not that there is something wrong of being independent. It deserves a clap! Being good in trouble shooting, instant courage, confident stride, influential leading, better emotional handling. We constantly want to be better than yesterday, even than now.

But sometimes, we get caught up with topping off other people, and maybe also putting off God. Because we want to be ultimately independent & free. But you will know, there are things you really need the help from Him, faith in Him, mercy of Him, love by Him.


Reasons you can never be independent by your own:

1. Things have been determined from the very start

When I was working in sales, and has been days without a sale, I was frustrated, tired, and start throwing things (yes, I have a temper). People doing sales must know how anxious and pressured it feels not meeting your target and seems like things really not going your way. I adjusted here and there. I asked for tips. Reminding myself why I need the money.

Anything to turn things around.

In desperation, I came across this:

‘Jika Allah dah tetapkan sesuatu untuk hambaNya, walau seisi dunia ingin menghalangnya,pasti juga ia jadi milik dia. Jika Allah dah tetapkan sesuatu bukan untuk hambaNya, walau seisi dunia membantunya, pasti juga ia tidak memilikinya.’

Phew, weight lifted! So, from that time, any day I found myself stuck with zero sales, I will leave my desk, go somewhere quiet, take deep breaths, sit & reread this text. Reading this give me a sense that I should surrender the right outcome to Him and just do my best. As soon as I talk to the next client, I made my sale. Every time.

There is not even a single effort that we can do entirely by our own without using His blessings.


2. Life is full with uncertainty

‘Jangan katakan ‘jika aku lakukan begini, pasti akan berlaku begini.’ Tapi aku buat begini dan aku berserah pada Allah keputusannya.’

Have you had a day like nothing is going right? Your car’s battery died. You get yelled at. You laptop doesn’t work.

If I do this, I’ll get this. If I study hard, I’ll get flying colours. If I bring my A game, I’ll get this sale. If I show that I love him, he will change. Being positive is good, but without His permission, even a well thought plan can go wrong or failed.

We always need to plan for the best or worse. But with understanding that God has His plans for us, even it goes another way that we attended, we are ready and open for the best or worse that could happen.

If you have listen to Tony Robbins, he always highlights the importance of embracing uncertainty or taking that leap of faith. Getting married. Changing jobs. Leaving someone. These are times you fear most because you can’t figure out what is going to happen next. There is no guarantee. You can choose to stay in certainty, but that is just not living.

They talk about law of attraction, where when you think positive & hardly of something, the universe will surely give it to you soon. What is actually ‘the universe’? You guess it right; its God.

Having sudden pain or illness also proofs you that God can really be in control of your life in just a split second.


3. Love doesn’t conquers all

My friend and I have this belief that against all odds, we become best friends because Allah have linked us. The idea of a strong friendship, partnership, leadership, marriage with your sole effort is missunderstood.

Sesungguhnya Engkau mengetahui bahawa hati-hati ini telah berhimpun kerana mengasihi-Mu, bertemu untuk mematuhi-Mu, bersatu memikul beban dakwah-Mu, hati-hati ini telah mengikat janji setia untuk mendaulat dan menyokong syari’at-Mu. Maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya, kekalkan kemesraan antara hati-hati ini, tunjuklah kepada hati-hati ini akan jalannya (yang sebenar), …….’ – Doa Rabithah

Love doesn’t conquer all. Allah does. Allah links them, bind them or even collides them. You can have blood ties, but still feel like from different family trees. You can be in different continents but have the time, fun and real connection.

Love is a absolutely a blessing from God. As The Prophet said about his beloved wife Khadijah, ‘I was blessed with her love’ (Riwayat Muslim). Having a wife, husband, child or bestfriend is no guarantee to have His blessing to love & be loved. One who have these blessings is bliss.

Souls get along well .

4. Your support system, mentors and loved ones was sent to you

I truly believe how important it is have support system for them to be go thru life. I forgot to tell them, support system is a blessing from Allah too. Have you met people that wants you around but you just cant seem to be friends with?

Expecting solely on one person to always be there for you will brings you disappointment, regrets and hurts. Expecting you can survive only with Allah will also leave you lonely, short-handed and short-sighted.

As Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, ‘Solitude is better than an evil companion; and a good companion is better than solitude.’ Believing that every support system that comes and sticks by you is sent by Allah will make you grateful and dependent more to Him.

Help someone answer person's prayer thru you .

5. Trials by Allah throws you off the ground (but just enough to stand back on your feet)

All of us have been thru a phase where we really feel that how can we ever get thru this? Its beyond our strength and knowledge. Little do we know, Allah already know from the start, we are capable to get thru it. The fact that Allah knows the right test to give you, shows how independent He is.

Have we as parents, older sibling, mentor try to modul a test to make children, younger ones, mentees to grow. But sometimes we push the wrong buttons or weak points. We wouldn’t know for sure. But Allah can.


6. Intuition is your life saver

Talking about uncertainty, the only way to get thru uncertain things is to know it or feel it. ‘Follow your heart’, they say. That gut feeling or intuition. And intuition comes from your soul.

Soul is a way Allah talks to you. It is an unexplainable knowledge or feeling. You listened and talked to yourself, grasping some insights within. And that is iman. Iman means believe, confidence. Courage is found with high confidence, with high iman.


Independence is not without God. Its a great dependence to the one & only Al-Ghaniyy (The Independent), utilizing all what He have given us with deep gratitude.

Independent means having the ability to stand on your own feet. So, who gave you your feet? Be humble.

It is easy to cry, bow down & beg to Allah when you are down & low. The real challenge is to feel & do the same when you are high & fly. Be open to be dependent to each other. But no dependence can be harmonious and work out without Him in the picture. Have total dependence to Allah.

A prayer cannot come from an egoistic heart. Prayer test us how deeply we ask for what we want, or it is just a wish without real meaning and full-hearted. Prayer will kill a hypocrite heart.

Question is: What should you do when you know you will never quite be independent?



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