Growing up, you will have someone you look up to.
Your eldest brother or sister.
Your favourite teacher.
Your first love.
That someone that you find to be a fine example.
So every difficult step you take, you turn to them. Hoping you find comfort, guidance or a thought of ‘How does she do it?’. You seek their two cents. Some are great in helping you out. But for some, the more you know or talk to them, you seem to feel a distant or lose a bit of respect of him or her.
Time and time again, people come and ask me, ‘Why are there such people?’. Rather than generalizing people into stereotypes, I prefer to understand why a person can be that way.
Nowadays, we are feeling less and less. As Brendon Burchard say, ‘we are showing up unconsciously into the world, in a reactive state, rather than productive, more intentional what we want in our day.’ In this world of self-expressing and self-defining, we want to be perceive as a successful person, a brave hero, a unique human being.
‘I make the mistake of assuming everyone is out there to be the best version of themselves.’ – Dan Voire
Some even go to the extend of generalizing statements to a race, a religion, of any type of group. Its not about being a saint or saying someone it like a devil. I always believe, without realizing, don’t do as they advise other to, it is because either of this:
1. Busy with OPB
Getting yourself occupied with OPB, Other People’s Business, especially not the people you are not suppose to focus on is a great way of being misdirected leader. For example, when I scroll down my Facebook timeline, I notice I often share good quotes, reminder, or advice. Surely because it have touched me.
But once in a while, I wonder, did I took the time to really sink the message, to re-evaluate myself about it, to really make a change from that ‘touched’ feeling?
Some start out it, but as social media goes, we get side-tracked with the likes, the comments, the praises. Until a point, your sharing have become as just a routine. Reminded in the mind, not touched by the heart.
2. Focused to what serves you
..rather than what serves others.
Do you ever had someone who you look up to you, admire you, or simply amazed by you? Hey, special someone or your family doesn’t count! You feel this such good feeling. Call it success, achievement, a boost to your self-esteem. That good feeling pumps you up with this one of the 5 major hormones in your body, called ‘serotonin’: the sense of pride and status, recognition by others, a victory dance, ceremony for you. Stir to it the right place, ‘serotonin’ can be a bond creator, a relationship nurture.
As Simon Sinek put it, this hormone ‘kick’ can be really addictive. Being addicted to the intense good feeling of ‘you are the man!’, may cause you to want more, to achieve more, while slowly neglecting the bond with others, the respect for one another.
There is where you can see people who are perhaps more successful now, betray our trust, neglect our concern. They need more and more. And let astray the actual function of the true objective; to serve others.
3. Character over knowledge. Always.
From Amy Morin’s book ’13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do’, there are 5 stages of changes. This is where being a leader, a mentor, or a protector, you really are bound to be flexible as you can. You can’t be doing the same thing, without progress.
Knowing a lot is only half the part of being a leader. Being a lot of good, realistic character is. Character needs to be build by time, thru situations, need much effort and dedication.
‘People are rewarded in public for what they practice for years in private.’ – Tony Robbins
It is not about what he do, what he achieve. Read between the lines. Most of the time, our doubts and disappointments come from less on what one do, but how. How things get done the right way not only speaks results, but shows character.
‘Just going to mosque doesn’t make you a Muslim any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.’
4. Less empathy being someone with the upper hand
Jason Marsh elaborated that people with high emotional intelligence (EQ) —people who have a strong ability to identify what they’re feeling and keep their emotions from getting the better of them — can use that skill for good or bad. Having a high EQ, its a powerful state to be in. You can easily be close to someone, be trusted, and also influence them. Having rapport. Mentally strong.
But the misdirected one – uses others for their gain only, mislead or lie to others due to their high confidence and connection that they have for this person. Able to override any guilt or wrong feelings, so people cant ‘read’ his wrongness. They feel powerful because they can control their emotions, control other people’s emotion, manipulate situations, as if they are the center of control.
They are fearless and they are always emotionally ready.
High EQ, but low God-conscious.
But didn’t Allah say, ‘fear nothing, but Me?’. To not feel or be helpless as He is always there, not to surrender your power or succumb to grudge, enemies that attacks you, rejection, tought situation. Not to surrender your power to anything but Allah. He is the Most Powerful, not us. Even if the world surrenders to us. Even when you have a lot of followers with us, trust us, a lot of wealth (nikmat) with us, successful us. There will always be one that we have to surrender to. And that is Allah.
So, the next time you about to share or advise something, think. Am I actually getting this thru me first? Mind your own business. Feel it in your heart first. Practice it until it is in-tune with your self, your character. Practice the change.