I always believe that, uncertainty is always a part of your life – that you must be comfortable with, to anticipate it, to be alive of it. Rather than brain dead or soul crushed by it. Surely, it is bad to think positive always of others and situations. It is even bad to be always be thinking negative.
I know, right? Such cruelty. Reason to NEVER sacrifice your passion (and financial freedom) even you are married. Passion is your greatest expression of talent. Even with the presence of a man, let us complete ourselves with passion, while being a great spouse.
Do you feel angry for her? Or sympathy for her unfortunate luck of being cheated and now a divorcee?
Or did you mind just thought of possible ways to help her? Or what she can do to have the better future?
Why I prefer Feedly over Facebook is that… my timeline is filled with shared viral news and happenings. Unfaithful husbands, careless mothers, bad teachers, cruel fathers – you name it! Most of them are negative news or sad stories like the one above. Wouldn’t it be better if people who share them with additional status of ‘Why it happen and how to overcome’? No point of sharing something for the sake of telling the world that it happen, without a call for action to better up ourselves, or to reach the people that needed help.
Same goes to Metro newspaper. What do you get from reading unfortunate or abusive stories every day? You get judgemental of others and fearful of the uncertainties and doubt yourself.
‘So yeah.. That happened. Yes, it’s unfortunate. I know, it is because of X, Y, Z, right?
So, now what?
Looking at this kind of Facebook post, I’m concern of the effect it brings to current or soon-to-be housewives. They would fear bound being victimized, abused, or unloved.
Me? I’m thinking..
What can we do now to be prepared if it does happen?
What can she do if (that’s a big IF) it did happen?
Carolyn Boyes in her book ‘5-Minute NLP’, explained that it is best to assume there are always choices available. Assuming that something ‘has to’ or ‘should’ be done, limits our choice and flexibility.
Digging thru the ‘blame frame’,
you will end up with a lot of Whys,
gets you stuck in the past,
and paralyzed in the present,
and blaming someone or something (in this case – blaming ungrateful, cheating husband, that men are all liars and all like that.) Yes, there are times justice needs to be served to bad people or bad situations. Outer people or situations can change or settle, but your mindset and heart? These the main things to keep from resents and grudges.
Always refer to ‘outcome frame’.
HOW to do now?
WHAT can be done differently to get better outcome?
Open questions leading to getting results. Take outcomes as a mean of feedback – if you doing something not working for you, it does not mean you failed. You succeed achieved results. Hurrah! Just different ones from those you set out to achieve. A feedback on how near you are to an outcome you want.
NLP is more focus on what you do, than what you are.
She could wipe her tears and ask help from her support system (given she have invested the time, pray, and effort to have them) rather than succumb to depression & suffering for the long haul. She could find a job that get her financed, build it up in 4-8 years, lived free and independent as she ever did!
She could even take time to heal,
To be content,
And perhaps, open her heart to another man. She might fail again in relationship. But what is life if we keep pushing away everything for the fear of the worst? And possibly the blessings of the great?
What makes it impossible for us to overcome our state?
Its ‘pachad’. Fear.
‘Pachad’, Rabbi Lew explains, is the fear of the phantom, the fear whose object is imagined. Is the over-reactive, irrational fear that stems from worries about what could happen, about the worst-case scenarios we imagine. It’s the adrenaline flowing, panicky thoughts firing. It’s the fear that the plane will crash, it’s the fear kids have about the monster under the bed, and in this case – the fear of being taken for granted, cheated and divorced.
Tara Mohr did a helpful list of 15 super practical ways for pachad in her book ‘Playing Big’. An important one is this – to follow the endgame. It is about thinking your future possible failure, lost, and ask, ‘okay, what then?’
If worst-case scenario came true, and when you actually thought through it step by step, that path wouldn’t seem so bad. Unfortunately, yes, but it’s good feeling to feel it is manageable. It is the opposite of being negative. Being negative is complaining end results without any possible intention, effort to fix it. Fear paralyses us by threatening the worst-case scenario outcomes, without having us think about what we would do if that outcome occurred.
When we do imagine how we’d respond, we usually find ourselves in the right balance.
And the balance is resilience.
Resiliency. Late Al Siebert, PhD, writes that “highly resilient people are flexible, adapt to new circumstances quickly, and thrive in constant change. Most important, they expect to bounce back and feel confident that they will. They have a knack for creating good luck out of circumstances that many others see as bad luck.” Here he uncovers 5 best ways to build resiliency.
Great career, great spouse. Isnt it a package? One needs the other?’
Larry Smith really nailed this point in his talk on ‘Why you will fail to have a great career’. Uncertainties come and go. It will always have a new issue for you. Surely, what you are bothered a lot of, is what you are concerned a lot of.
Life full of setbacks. See them as opportunities to get new results, not failures. You cant run, or hide. You have to be ready. Let life toughen you up. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Feel liberated. Feel freedom.